Let's face it, if I wait until the family stuff is "sorted", I could be gone for a mighty long time, and I don't want that - even if you do. Saying that though, I haven't been in the right frame of mind to write anything for the last couple of weeks... to be honest I just haven't been in the right frame of mind, full stop.
Come to think of it, that will probably be why I joined Facebook, and started working out.
So it feels quite good to report that today - after all the oddness - I finally looked in my box of goodies again, remembered that I had a vagina and popped my Ben Wa balls in. I'm wearing them at the moment actually, and with some degree of success too; apparently, I'm quite tight (ahem) until I walk up or down the stairs.
So I might be falling apart, but at least my cunt is keeping it together.
It's made my day.
Would you believe me if I said the beautiful harness I bought is still in the box? Because it is, you know. The box - apart from being opened, hasn't been touched at all, actually. I'll have to dust the flipping thing if it stays there much longer.
So I still don't know if Hitachi Magic Wands are really as amazing as everyone says they are, or if that dildo is the right size for the boyfriend. I still haven't experimented with the lube applicator, or slipped on a pair of latex gloves for a posh wank. In fact, I haven't even had a "go" with the Ben Wa Balls yet, and I'm really curious to see just how strong I am down there - or not, although if that's the case expect a mid-life crisis soon after.
However. I have some family stuff to deal with first. Bear with me.
And do help yourself to biscuits.
Contrary to what you may be thinking, I didn't take the advice of my everso charming commenter and close the blog down. Life just took a turn for the hectic again, hence the poor little thing got to feel like a cuckolded husband; all insignificant and neglected. Sorry, blog. Let me suck your cock, or something.
So anyway, yes. Life has been hectic. Families, birthdays, hospitals, DIY - it's been a right roller-coaster of mundane proportions. The sex has been pretty good though, and it's making me feel super-adventurous.
At the moment I'm getting both excited and prepared, for tonight we are going to do some shopping! Sex toy shopping! We really need some new stuff - our last big spree was in 2007, and although we've picked up a couple of bits here and there since, our toy chest is definitely looking a bit, well, like it needs a good kick up the arse... Speaking of which, I haven't even got a decent butt-plug at the moment. I have actually got several of the buggers, but they're all too big for my *ahem* tight little bottom *ahem*. (And indeed the boyfriends).
But really, I'm looking to get something a bit different, and that'll probably be why I'm looking at strap-ons and love-eggs and Hitachi Wands and... Anal Ring Toss? There's a party game with a difference! And as for the shower shot? I'm not sure whether to be curious or ... I was going to say scared shitless, but that's probably a pun too far.
And why have I only just discovered lube applicators?
The boyfriend is going to love me.
It wasn't a corner in the end. It was a radiator. I got handcuffed to the bloody radiator.
And that was just for starters.
I did contemplate filling in all the details and describing everything, such as how well he spanked me, and how hard I cried, but in the end I decided I didn't want to dissect it in that way. Besides, I'm (still) pretty much lost for words.
When he mentioned that he was going to punish me, I thought it would be playful and light-hearted, if it happened at all. Truthfully, I didn't expect it to feel like a punishment. Not with our track record. I didn't think he had it in him. Because of that, I didn't go into the scene feeling at all submissive. In fact, I was quite indignant if anything.
Erm. That didn't last long.
My boyfriend - the one I doubt so very bloody much too much of the time - completely overpowered me, both physically and mentally. That's why if you had peeked into our bedroom on that night, you would've seen me bent over the bed with my knickers pulled down just slightly (and why is that always so much more embarrassing than having no knickers on at all?) and my hands cuffed together, begging and crying and sniffling like a pussy.
I am completely and utterly stunned.
So, on Saturday night I dressed up (or rather, down) like a Pussycat Doll, me being the classy girl that I am not, and we headed off to the East End of That London for what we hoped would be an "interesting" night at this so-called "swingers" club.
Unfortunately though, it wasn't that interesting. And there wasn't any swinging, either. But we did watch a very good pole-dance by a very pretty (and naked) blonde, so that was nice. And we got free gifts too (a mini rabbit vibe for me, a vibrating cock-ring for him), which have already lost their virginity in one of the funniest scenes I have ever been part of...
We were on the sofa. At some point, unbeknown to me, the boyfriend had slipped on the cock ring, and when he told me what he'd done he said that it was making him hard. This kinda led on to us talking about chastity and orgasm control - I'm not sure why now, but the connection made perfect sense at the time.
Anyway. the next thing I know, he's trying to get me to have sex with him, and I'm telling him no - we don't have much time, and he can wait til later... let the feeling build. I was teasing him, and telling him no, and he was literally fucking begging for it. I thought it was so funny I nearly laughed my head clean off.
It didn't stop there though. He then asked me if he could "at least go down" on me... well, who was I to not take advantage of this most excellent situation?! So there's me on the sofa, legs spread for his convenience (hehehe), and there's him on kneeling the floor in between them. It was at this point I learnt just how bloody powerful a mini rabbit vibe can be, and just how much power I had right then. I came so hard - squirted in fact - and that sent the boyfriend over the edge then.
He was like a mad man, mauling me, begging me, trying to "force" his way in. I have never EVER seen him so horny, and it was fucking comical, and that's why I nearly wet myself with laughter as I danced off to the bathroom, instead of letting him have his own way.
I am not laughing so much now, though. I've been told to expect some sort of punishment for what I did (or rather, didn't do). It's going to involve a corner.
Oh bugger.
After being lost in the sexual wilderness for absolutely *ages* I'm suddenly starting to see some light and - more importantly - kink, again. And it's come just as I happen to be going through a period of self-discovery as well, so the timing couldn't be more perfect.
And I am so in the mood for new experiences. Bring it on.
Last night was a new experience for me. It wasn't ground-breaking (or perhaps it was?), but I *think* I took a little tiny bit of control In The Bedroom. I feel slightly awkward (embarrassed?) about it this morning, but last night was... bloody horny, actually. Wish I'd remembered the lube though. My bad.
Last night, we also spontaneously decided to visit a swingers club tonight. That in itself is unusual; we haven't swung in over a year. And whenever we did, we would procrastinate about it for weeks before taking any action. Making it even more unusual is the fact that we've never been to this club before, so I think it's fair to say that it's going to be interesting, if nothing else.
It'll be even more interesting if I can't find anything to wear... although maybe that's the point.
Must remember not to eat anything garlicky.
Obviously, I have no expectations about tonight - that would be foolish, even by my standards. But I have plenty of fantasies, and should the opportunity arise for me to behave like a wanton slut, then I intend to take full advantage of it. Translated, that means if the boyfriends wants me to, I will. Not that I'm totally selfless, you understand, I just can't handle the fucking guilt that comes with accepting responsibility for that kind of behaviour myself.
I had a Catholic childhood... can you tell?
I'll admit it; I've been pondering. Thinking about stopping with the blogging - again. It has occurred to me that I might have some commitment issues, but lets not dwell on that - again. I have enough to think about as it is.
I started decorating the house last week, you see. Suffice to say, my mind has been awash with colour combinations, furniture arrangements, Ikea beds and (my lack of) finances. My house is a fucking mess: I have lightshades on the kitchen floor, flat-pack furniture in the hallway, various samples of 'red' paint over the lounge walls, enough paint to stock a small shop, and lots of toys in my bedroom that belong to my daughter. Oh, and the fishtank is turning a shade of green I haven't seen on any Dulux colour chart. Mental chaos is one thing, but this is something else.
The only thing keeping me going at the moment is knowing that when it's done I'll have fewer magnolia walls to stare at. Little bit apprehensive about red though.
On a more personal front, the boyfriend and I are experimenting with "rules". Well, it's just the one rule for now, but it's a rule nonetheless, and have I ever mentioned how much I love shit like that? I think I might have. It may be a small step for man, but it's a massive breakthrough for our relationship and I feel all kinds of fine at the moment.
A little part of me wants to break the rule just to see what happens, but a much bigger part of me wants to simply comply and show him that I'm sincere. I never was much good at being a brat.
I'm a good girl, me ;)
I would like to say I've been busy meeting perverts and being perverted, and that is why I've had no time to blog. But alas I have not. I've simply been having a bit of a moment which lasted rather longer than it should have. Bloody moments.
I don't think I'm really cut out for this internet dating thing... although it's not technically "dating" (is it?) and I'm not sure it's only confined to the internet either. What it probably is, in truth, is an aversion to people who approach me. I don't trust them. Any of them. Although now I come to think about it, I suspect the person I trust the least is myself. I'm an erratic little fucker, after all.
So, that's terrific. Really, really terrific.
Of course, being so caught up in fantasies about the boyfriend isn't helping much, either. I can't help it though, I'm obsessed with the bloke. Isn't he lucky!
One of the many problems with me is that I fantasise almost endlessly about having a D/s component between me and my long-suffering boyfriend. Although that in itself isn't a problem... the problem is the perpetual frustration that accompanies it. I do my fucking head in, I do. But then again, if the boyfriend didn't make salacious remarks such as "I get turned on when you're crying and helpless", perhaps I wouldn't fantasise quite so much. Perhaps if there weren't any signs indicating potential, I'd stop looking for the bastard things and get on with baking cakes, or something.
Instead, he says things like that and I think in a really loud inner-voice I CAN DO CRYING AND HELPLESS! TIE ME UP AND HURT ME! PLEASE! but of course he can't fucking hear that, can he. And this is how it always is with us - he feeds me these lines and I silently beg him to take the next step and stop bloody winding me up.
Well, what else am I supposed to do? Tell him?
I don't do Valentines Day. It's the romance - it's beyond me. I just don't know what to do, or how to do it. So we didn't have a big love fest at the weekend like most couples probably did. We had anal sex instead.
And there endeth my bum-loving drought. Thank fuck.
