December 2007 Archives

Sorry! I got a bit sidetracked by man-flu, a touch of mental illness, and my ever growing obsession with Jack. And yes, I know obsessions aren't healthy... but what I'm obsessing about is even more unhealthy - or will be if it comes to fruition, anyway.

I'm not into pain, not any more. I used to love being spanked and whipped. I used to love clamps on my nipples and pussy. That to me was sex. I didn't need penetration, or foreplay, or anything other than pain. I'm a different girl now though - I only "like" pain when I've disappointed myself or the person I'm with, and even then it's not the pain I "like", it's the punishment.

Okay, that doesn't make much sense. Nevermind. Point is, I'm not a pain slut. So why is it that everytime I think about Jack, I am imagining her really hurting me with not only words (which I love), but with hands too? I imagine her pulling me across the room by my hair, and smacking me in the face. I imagine her tightening her hands round my throat as she fucks me. I imagine her raping me. And I imagine alot of other things I can't bring myself to say, too.

Don't get me wrong - it's not all I imagine, but I think it's fair to say that such is our dynamic, I am pretty much obsessed with being under Jack, in whatever form that takes. And it's fucking scary.