jump

Bloody typical... I make my first quick decision ever, and I think it was the wrong one. Arse!

And like that isn't bad enough, now I have had all these D/s things re-awakened in me, I'm finding it bloody difficult to put them back to sleep. Not that I want to, it's just Frustration Central if I don't. I want to keep them alive, I want to feel all that beautiful destruction... I don't want to deny what I am, or who I am. Not after it took me so long to admit it.

Things are just never that easy.

I am tentatively dipping my perverted toe back into the BDSM community. It's been a long time, and I'm not really sure why I'm even trying... it's probably just another subconscious form of self-torture. Remind myself of what I don't have, instead of what I do.

Of course, I'm also trying to depersonalize it all. Pretend it's just about a certain headspace. A hotel room. A hedonistic night of hotfuckery, or two, rather than a certain person.

I so want to jump.