kinky and kinkier

For all the un-nerving things I discover about myself, I am still immensely proud of the fact that I'm not scared of exploring my sexuality. I do uncover demons I wish weren't there, and I do like things that would make some people throw up. But it's better than the alternative - to go through life unsatisfied with sex, and worse still - accepting that's the way it is.

We can't grow if we don't spread our wings, and I've spread mine far and wide in the sexual arena. And I remain constantly amazed at how much I've grown - and continue to do so - on my "journey". That word makes me cringe a little because it's used so often in BDSM circles, but there really is no better word to describe it. It's not just sex I've discovered, I've also discovered a strong sense of identity that I couldn't place for the longest time.

From that young girl of sixteen who got put over someone's knee and spanked, and then felt confused and wrong and excited, I've grown into a masochistic submissive woman who isn't confused, or wrong - just different. And still excited. Still excited by spankings, but now I like many other things besides... things I'd never know about if I didn't explore and push my boundaries and allow others to push them for me.

In the last year alone, I've changed. My mind is more open now than it ever has been before. Violence and chastity excite me in ways they never, ever did before. Dominant women I find incredibly attractive, but this time last year I was absolutely terrified of them. I have a boot fetish since the boyfriend sexualised them in a scene or two, and my perception of 'beautiful' has changed beyond all recognition.
But I think the biggest change over the last twelve months is my attraction to gender benders. Cross-dressers, TVs, Transsexuals... I'm fucking smitten. I've always been totally accepting of them, and even interested in finding out more, but I used to feel physically sick at the idea of my boyfriend wearing stockings, or even nail varnish. I always said that I liked my men manly and my girls girly, because that's the way it always was. Without question.

It isn't anymore, though. It's all mixed up and everso delicious. Mmm.