swingers night out - a checklist

I mentioned earlier in the week that we're going to a club tomorrow night. And while I'm not expecting anything, I still want to be prepared. But there is too much to think about and I've still got to paint my nails, dye my hair, shave, scrub, preen, stand in front of the mirror for three hours, etc etc etc. And I have to pack some things as I'm staying out the night (Oh my God, the excitement of it all!), but I'm bound to forget some essential item or another...

Condoms - a variety of. I've just sorted through them, and I can't believe there are two that expire this year; apparently I'm not a lover of the mint-flavoured ones. Green cocks are just so wrong.

Cuffs, gag, rope. This stuff goes with us to any hotel we stay in. We haven't as yet used any of it in a hotel, but there's always a first time.

Baby wipes. Because sex has a tendency to be 'dirty'.

My jewel butt plug. Never worn it in public before, but I think I might tomorrow night. Just in case.... what? Just in case I get my arse out? Just in case anyone tries to put anything in my arse? I don't know - it just seems like a good idea. At the moment.

Dildos and dongs. Well. A girl slut can never have enough cock.

The camera. We're not even allowed phones in the club, so as to prevent any photography taking place there, so my camera is purely to capture any special (and classy) Travelodge moments that might or might not occur.

Lingerie. As usual, I shall be taking far too many knickers, tights, stockings and bras... just because I can. And probably also because secretly, I'm always hoping I'm going to have things ripped off me.

Boots. Or shoes? Oh bugger, perhaps I'll take both.

The outfit. On this occasion, that's one bodystocking, and one outrageously shiny "Brighton dress". I think.

Various potions, ointments, perfumes and powders. Because I'm a tart.

Lube. This one should be self-explanatory.

I-pod and speakers. People knocking on your hotel room door to complain about all the noise when one is midway through a threesome is somewhat distracting. If I have my music turned up though, hopefully I won't hear them knocking!

The boyfriend. Because I need someone to carry my bag, hahaha. ;)

I think that's everything...?