playmate

Last year, once we'd finally gotten off the starting blocks, I flung myself head-first into things like the thrill seeker that I am, while the boyfriend did not such a terrific job of reining me in. But even if he had managed to rein me in physically, mentally I was already thinking beyond threesomes and dogging. I was thinking about non-monogamy, polyamory, and the fella who'd been chatting me up for several weeks.

Next thing I knew, I was seeing (and fucking) this fella on a regular (ish) basis.

Then I would come home, and the boyfriend and I would either argue, or fuck like rabbits. But whatever we did, it was quite clear to me that he saw me differently when I'd just got home from being out with another man. I like to think he saw me as a slut, because that's what I am, and when we had sex, that's how he'd treat me. To the untrained eye, this might look like a bad thing - but it most definitely wasn't. It completely changed our dynamic when that other fella was on the scene and made us both feel good.

It's just a shame about all the arguments, really. But I suppose that's what happens when you try to run before you can walk. I don't have any regrets though - this year, we're older and wiser. Well, we're more aware of our boundaries and hard limits, anyway. And the boyfriend has learned that sex is very separate to love.

But when he last week suggested I find myself a playmate, my eyes popped open, my jaw fell to the floor, and my brain started exploding. Not with surprise, or joy, but more abject shock. After all that grief last year, he wanted to do it again?

I know it would be different the next time. For a start, last time it was my idea, this time it definitely isn't. Last time, there was jealousy - this time there's a better understanding. I've just never had such a suggestion put to me, and I'm not quite sure how to take it, or what to do about it.

Shall I write an ad? What would I say? The boyfriend wants me to find a playmate, so who's up for it?... or what? More subtlety, or less? Perhaps I shouldn't bother with an ad... last time we tried that, I spent more time sending 'no thanks' messages than I did fucking. If he just wants me to find a playmate, I could easily accomplish that in a sex club. I could have a different playmate each week, if I really wanted to. Or if he really wanted me to. My little cuckolded head could probably tune itself into that.

If, however, he wants a re-run of last year, he's going to have a long wait. But by some strange coincidence, guess who asked me out for drinkies yesterday...