the loving dominant

Right now I'm busy thinking up new and inventive ways to seduce the boyfriend over to the dark side. Whinging and crying and flipping out clearly isn't working, so it's back to the drawing-board. Of course, it might be completely futile - I might never get my submissive 'needs' met in this relationship outside of a little light bondage and a bit of choking, but I have to try.

I've bought him a copy of The Loving Dominant. He hasn't read it yet, but I have, and I have to say i wasn't all that impressed with it. There's plenty of advice on tools of the trade, types of play, plus a few ideas for scenes, but I expected it to be more about the relationships and the dynamic (I obviously read too much into the 'Loving' part of the title!), and not so much like a manual. I already have Screw The Roses, and there doesn't seem to be anything more insightful in this book. But that's just my opinion, and what the hell would I know anyway - I'm not a dominant.

I did find the section on humiliation interesting though - not least because according to the author, John Warren, it is more of a male-sub thing than a fem-sub thing - which puts me outside the norm ... again! I also like that he touched on the difference between that and 'erotic embarrassment' - which is a beautiful way of describing something I have always rather less elegantly called 'squirming'. In his example, you may be embarrassed when asked to make a speech at a dinner, but if, as you stood before the guests your pants were pulled down - that would be humiliating.

It's the first time I've read anything about 'embarrassment' in any of these guru books that I own, and it was reassuring to know it isn't just me who goes red-faced and unable to speak when faced with having to do/say something that they 'would like to do anyway if society and their own inhibitions would let them'.

People who know me won't believe that I get shy, but I do, painfully so. I think I must have some subconscious shame (?) about my submissive tendencies, or something. That would also go some way to explaining why I crave the humiliation factor so much too. Hmm.

Anyway, so I liked that bit. And I like the fantasy questionnaire too, which I might utilise in my mission to win the boyfriend over - if I can get over my erotic embarrassment enough to raise the scary subject of 'fantasies'. Gulp.