my way

This is going to be a whinge probably, rather than a post - sorry about that. For too long I have tried to hide alot of what I feel and think from this blog, not sure why. But I don't like it. I'm not here for anyone else's amusement afterall... I'm here because I can't afford a good therapist , heh.

So.

I've been lurking on Informed Consent this week, as I usually do, and more and more I find myself recoiling from what I'm reading - about nettles, about ownership, about enforced bedtimes, punishments... the list goes on and on. But it was only a couple of months ago that I was lusting after control and rape and fuck knows what else... I feel confused and unsure of myself again, and I don't like it. I think I shall have to stay away from there, before I upset myself any more than I have already.

It's silly really; the logical part of my brain (yes, I do have one!) knows that submission is different for every little slut out there. I know that just because some like needles and cutting, I don't have to as well... I know that I'm not more or less of a "true submissive" just because I squick at blood, or the word 'owned'. I am what I am, and I like what I like, and that should - in theory - be that. But then I read things like 'a submissive's duty is to please their Dom/me, with no regard for their own pleasure', and I wonder if I'm in the wrong place entirely.

I'm not, of course. But I do wonder, nonetheless. I need to be taken in hand. And soon, before I lose the plot altogether.